And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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