the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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