It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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