mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
