we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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