And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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