and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
