Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize