Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
