It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
