I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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