one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
