you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
