He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
