My liver just broke up with me...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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