It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
