Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
