take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize