there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
