Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
