cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
