On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
