That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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