She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize