i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
