he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
