new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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