It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
