i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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