You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
