Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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