Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
