do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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