I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
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If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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