I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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