I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
