fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
