his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
