can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
