I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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