Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
