so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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