All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
4 words: hood of his car
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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