I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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