11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I puked a lego.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
