I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
