just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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