Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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