So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
