Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
