my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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