D3 body, D1 cock
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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