i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
pray to the hookup gods
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
