I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hippo gnu deer
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You made out with two different species that night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
