A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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