drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize