arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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