I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
