Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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