What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
