Sorry, I don't speak sober.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
