I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
