...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
