Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
