Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
