Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
worst night to have a conscience
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
FUCK WHALES
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
