who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
