Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
