3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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