omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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